Krampus

Perfect movie to show your snot-nose little brats who are ungrateful, little shits bitching and moaning about everything regardless of the countless hours, dollars and effort you put into giving them the most incredible, unforgettable commercialized experience for the holidays only for them to spit right in your FACE! Whew, deep breaths.  Ahhhhh, Christmas time, the most wonderful time of the year :)  Now, back to the movie review.  This heartfelt holiday gem is about the fabled creature named, "Krampus".  He is the anti Santa who visits the house of the spoiled brats only to kill them in the most horrific ways and sending them to the depths of hell.  Sound like a good family movie?  Well, see comments above.  I liked it knowing that it was a spoof and had some great cheese on purpose.  The actors all did a great job and you can see right away why such big names signed on to play the parts.  Give this one a shot, it is a little like the Scream series in terms of goof, gore, and fun all in one.

FYI:  The story of Krampus has been around for 100's of years and just last year 3 movies and 6 TV shows mentioned him.  Weird.

****

My All American

Ugh, the overachiever.  Well all know him, we all hate him.  Oooh, look at me, I am the best at everything!  Shut up!  Watch me, I can out smart, play and think everyone!  Shut up!  Okay, jealousy may be a part of my attitude :)  The true story of a young man who literally works harder than anyone else in order to be the best.  His dad may have pushed him a little to far as he was most likely a head case in real life.  This guy was too small, to play college football but had enough heart and determination to make his a breakout star in Texas.  The story is not only a reflection of his perseverance on the field but also off when diagnosed with a rare bone cancer that ends up taking his leg.  A little too "Disney" for me and was pretty white washed but a good story.  Worth a watch if your a sports fan and like the whole divinity thing.  Aaron Eckhart is just okay, Robin Tunney is someone who was done in the 90's, and Finn Wittrock will always be "Dandy" to me.

FYI:  Finn Wittrock never actually played football before filming.  He had to attend a camp in order to learn the game!  Un-American!

***

The Forest

That bratty little sister of yours, always getting into more shenanigans!  This time she off and gets lost in a haunted forest in Japan where people go to kill themselves.  Dang it, I guess I will catch the first flight out.  The forest only spreads across three or four Asian mountain ranges, how hard can it be?!  Oh look, I found her tent on the first day, or did I?  I also brought this friendly English speaking dude I met in the bar the night before to help.  Or is he really helping me?  What is real in this place, I don't know but I am definitely staying overnight!  Sound ridiculous?  Thats because it is!  They do an okay job of building suspense and capturing your enthusiasm but when you sit back and think, its pretty stupid.  I liked the fact that the forest confuses you and builds suspense as to what is real and what is in your mind but it all goes just a little too far and becomes a little comical.  I would actually see this again for free, but not that impressed, especially after getting my hopes up after the previews.  Oh, and if you want to get a good laugh, check out the review boards of this one.  Lots of people saying it is whitewashing because they cast a white girl, and how disrespectful to those who committed suicide?  WTF?

FYI:  Apparently this damn suicide forest is real!

***

Bone Tomahawk

There is a definite hierarchy in this movie weighed by facial hair.  The more you have, the tougher you are!  If your a bearded man-beast with a twisty mustache, you are more than likely the leader.  Just a hipster twisty stache, good gun slinger with a chip on your shoulder.  No facial hair, either a simpleton or a pussy.  There you have it, Bone Tomahawk!  This movie was just plain cool!!!  I didn't know what to expect with this one and damn was I pleasantly surprised.  It is one of the most underrated movies I have seen in a long time.  It is original, fresh, interesting to the point of keeping you on the edge of your seat with out blowing you away with pointless action and like I said cool.  Every character is good, the dialogue was great and the story was perfect.  It is a great mix of western and horror with a twist and an ending that rocks!  A young maiden is abducted by Indians, and the four man search party sets out on a rescue mission.  As you can imagine they have to deal with the hazards of the wild west along with the unknown and also the clock.  These so called Indians who did the abducting aren't you typical Dances with Wolves type injuns, these are some bad ass savages with some ulterior motives in mind.  Definitely watch this movie, it will be a great experience!

FYI:  Mathew Fox was the fourth casting choice for this role.  I think he nailed it!

*****

Martyrs

As they say, another pointless remake!  I usually don't agree with that saying when it comes to movies because I like to see different visions of a film that could be improved or changed.  Well this one did absolutely no justice to the original other than a tad bit more of an explanation.  There were some good scenes in this movie but almost immediately ruined in the very next scene.  It was close to an exact remake with no real changes other than eliminating the deep gore and shock value.  Two early twenty something girls, one who had been traumatized by an abduction incident when she was young return to the place where it all went down.  From here it is stupid mistake after stupid mistake until you almost start to route for the bad guys.  The lead actress (the normal one) is really hot, and kind of reminds me of a young Jennifer Garner.  If you have seen the original and want to solve some curiosity, give it a shot.  If you are interested, please watch the original first!

FYI:  Shot in 20 days

**1/2

We Are Monsters

WE ARE MONSTERS

This Movie was so Low Budget, that I couldn't even find the actual movie poster!  If you haven't heard of this movie don't worry, no one else has either.  There were a lot of things going against this flick starting with the title, the majority of the budget going to fake blood, and a setting of literally 3 rooms of a cabin in the woods.  If you ask me, these were all of the things that made this movie outstanding!  This is one that I feel could turn into a cult hit.  It was graphic, dirty and disgusting with no new plot line and a real gritty old school kind of feel.  Basically, we have a business woman who gets abducted, tortured, raped and beaten in a filthy cabin.  Well its the same old story we have seen before as she escapes not once, not twice, but three times only to be caught each time and again put through more torture.  Well she finally gets her revenge in some pretty gruesome ways.  I liked it but it was pretty bad.  It really had no value other than filling some time with "almost there" shock value.  Give it a shot if you like these types of "B" movies, otherwise give it a pass.

FYI:  There were more than 35 gallons of fake blood used in this movie.

**1/2

Kill the Messenger

Another classic tale of Curiosity killing the Cat!  Now I don't know about you, but I know absolutely no one who loves their job so much, they are willing to risk their family, marriage, and life in order to get answers that really has nothing to do with you.  Okay, maybe the guy working at Ben and Jerry's but no one else!  If you haven't seen this movie yet, you are wrong!  I have secretly titled this movie, "Better than Spotlight" because it was!  I cant believe Spotlight is up for a number of awards and this got snubbed, its probably because Jeremy Renner is black.  Seriously though, this was a far superior film with a number of amazing performances.  This story of Gary Webb who uncovered a story of Americans funneling coke into the ghettos of our country to fund the war on drugs in Nicaragua.  He really gets the shaft, big time.  Apparently the CIA and FBI don't want you snooping around in their work to better America, for the wealthy that is.  This movie really keeps you on the edge of your seat and draws you in like no other.  I have read that there are a number of holes and they gave it a bit of the Hollywood treatment but still loved it.  I have even read that many of the accusations made by Webb were completely false, but I think it was the CIA yelling that from their soap box.  Definitely watch this movie, it was one of the best I have seen this year.

FYI:  The soundtrack features a Pearl Jam song!

****1/2

Bridge of Spies

Admit it, this was one of those movies that you saw previews for and said to yourself, "huh, that looks good", then forgot about it and never made an effort to see it.  I know this because I will watch just about anything and did the same thing!  Well I was wrong, we all were.  This movie was really good.  Not sure how much of it was actual fact but Hanks usually doesn't disappoint.  The crazy part is good ole Tom wasn't even the part of the movie that kept you watching.  It was the supporting actors that really did a great job in drawing you in for more.  The 50's must have been a really weird time, not only for the mindset of normal values in America, but the whole cold war coming into its true fashion and displaying ridiculous amounts of loyalty to anyone.  Hanks plays an insurance attorney that is recruited by the CIA (for some reason) to successfully negotiate the exchange of two Americans in Germany and Russia for an alleged Soviet spy.  Well as you can imagine dealing with foreign affairs, in a foreign country, during war is a difficult task.  Hanks plays the part well but fails to have you really love his character.  None the less, I was still intrigued by this film and was never bored or distracted from start to finish.  Give this one a shot then send your kids to school in the Middle East, they should be fine.

FYI:  Bridge of Spies is an actual bridge that was an exchange place for a number of prisoners.

***1/2

A Girl Like Her

Okay, seriously.  Who is a high school bully anymore?  Really, has any American high school kid ever turned on the news?  There are literally school shootings every other day by some poor kid who is picked on or bullied by the POP kids.  Kids today are either really brave, or incredibly stupid.  Being the father of a teenager, I am gravitating toward stupid.  I actually watched this movie twice and it hit me with the choke ups both times.  I made my 13 year old daughter watch it with me the second time to hear her thoughts on the authenticity of what happens in school today, and she said it was pretty spot on.  Ouch, I always knew kids were mean, but now with the social media and constant contact, they can destroy you in no time!  The story is popular girl decides she doesn't like one of her introverted friends anymore and sets out to make her life a living hell.  So much that the other girl takes drastic measures against herself.  All the while everything is being captured by a hidden camera that the one friend convinces her to wear.  They do a really good job with this movie in exploring both sides of the bully and victim.  It will give you a lot to think about and prompt you to call those people you picked on in high school.  "Boy I sure am glad I called that guy!"

FYI:  Both main characters were on Soap Operas, and nominated for awards.

****

Inside

If any of you expecting mothers out there are looking for an exciting night of movie watching, this is one for you!  As you can tell by the cover, this is a heartwarming tale of pregnancy and the beauty of child birth.  Why are there a pair of household scissors on the cover?  Well, apparently in France they sometimes do things a little different in the medical field.  I searched for this movie for a while hearing a lot of hype and of course I had to see what cant be unseen.  Here you have it, a tale of a 9 month pregnant widow being stalked by a lunatic woman wanting a baby of her own.  The budget of this film was $3 million, and my guess is they spent $2.5 million on fake blood.  This French horror flick didn't disappoint and had all of the gruesome, nasty, disturbing images you would expect.  Some un-answered questions and the local police across the pond are huge idiots, otherwise pretty good acting and crazy upsetting story-line.  Give this one a shot if you don't mind a little dry heaving and cringing.  I would suggest a bloody Mary and some steak while viewing.

FYI:  The address on the main characters door is, wait for it.........666!

***