Ant-Man

Hey everyone!  The billion dollar Marvel/Disney industry made another one!  Oh, you haven't heard?  Its Ant-Man!  You know, one of the original comic book Avengers.  How has he not had a movie already you ask?  Because who cares!  My Daughter has seen this twice and said its the best SH movie yet!  No, I have not gown out of this genre, I love these movies and as I have said before, I cant get enough of them.  Well after taking my son this weekend, I may have had enough.  I expected so much from this movie, especially casting Rudd as the lead.  He is a funny dude and was hoping he would knock it out of the park.  Well, I was let down throughout this movie a number of times.  I was expecting a Guardians of the Galaxy staring a comedian as the lead, but this really fell short.  I can say the saving grace of this film was absolutely Michael Pena and T.I.  Pena was true genius with the way he presented his lines.  I will give this movie an extra star just because of him! Even Evangeline Lilly, who is usually super hot was average in this.  I feel like this was thrown together for the sake of having another pay day for Marvel.  There were some good laughs, and a few good fight scenes along with cool CGI, but the end was a build up for a let down.  I wouldn't say this is the worst SH movie, but it would be behind (in order), Dark Knight (actually all of the newer Batman's), Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers, Iron Man, X Men First Class, and Incredible's.  I would put this on your list of wait for Redbox, but the Popcorn might not be as good....Unless you have a bag of Vic's Cheese!

FYI:  Howard Stern tried to buy the rights to Ant-Man 15 years ago hoping for a future movie.

***1/2

The Jokesters

Ahhh, the generation of early 20's boys who are not only the center of the universe but without a care in the world.  Those were the good ole days!  When college frat boys get together and try to one up each other with pranks, things tend to get a little messy.  Who cares about the repercussions especially when your reputation is on the line!  Now throw in a hit You tube sensation, prankster video series and BAM!  You've got yourself a hell of an inflated ego.  Well these boys just being boys decide to take the prank to the next level by pranking the wedding toast of their bestie, which then turns into following them on their honeymoon to scare the shit out of them.  Sounds like a noble idea right?  I mean seriously, these are your best friends, cut them some slack!  And whatever you do, dont turn the pranking around on them!  Obviously by now you have picked up on my sarcasm and know that something bad happens, I mean just look at the movie poster above!  Yet another found footage film, and I was pretty good with this one.  It is your typical horror movie that isn't gong to win any Oscars, and the acting was pretty shotty but not the worst I have seen.  I liked it, I was entertained and kept watching to see what was going to happen next.  The twist it took was a little unexpected but predictable after it happens and the "Crazy" came out.  Worth a watch for those who need a newer horror fix.  Just dont mess with another mans pranking status!!!

FYI:  During the filming of this film the Dolly Grip found a piece of a human foot in the snow.

**1/2

The Guest

Excuse me ma'am, did I leave my boots under your bed?  Classic nice guy move, especially when after retrieving his boots, he puts a 9 mm slug through her head!  These days some of the best movies are those that pay homage to 80's flicks with a new age twist, and this is one of em!  Don't get me wrong there were some ugly cinema faults here, but over all a really good flick.  The story is not new, War hero, stranger appears in a town claiming to have been friends with a family who's son died in the war.  He is invited in and treated like family.  Something is off, but you just can put your finger on it.  He helps the family in very unrealistic and predictable ways, like every other movie of the sort.  Then, the shit hits the fan.  In a way I felt like there were two movies here, the beginning was outstanding and had your sucked in from the very start.  The second act is where the holes start to form and become cheesy Hollywood.  The soundtrack was awesome!  I would give this movie an extra star just for that!  The acting was pretty good, and Maika Monroe is a great little actress!  The ugly shows with the predictability and extensive use of bullet dodging.  I can usually look past that for a good acting job, but that was ruined a few times.  Overall, great flick that you can watch immediately on Netflix.  Give it a shot and raise those flags up high!  Stop being a communist!

FYI:  Dan Stevens would do 100 push ups and 100 sit ups and drink a diet coke just before his shirtless scenes.

***1/2

Creep

Good ole Craigslist does it again!  They have made quite a name for themselves with the cinema promotion of its infamous rip offs, murders, rape, and just plain weirdness.  Let me introduce you to "Creep", a pretty good Netflix find that will take you into the world of a cash strapped cameraman who answers an AD to video a client for 8 hours for $1000.  Seems harmless, until he meets the freak.  Played very well by Mark Duplass, the dude from The League.  It seems he has a terminal illness and wants a video of his day to leave for his unborn son.  Well he spews weirdness and creepy vibes throughout the day.  This only leads to him becoming an obsessed psychopath filled with deceit and crazy.  I actually enjoyed this movie and it really kept me wanting more.  The problem is it is so filled with holes and predictable scares that it almost becomes laughable.  I had to really put myself in this situation to fully enjoy what they were trying to do and think if the viewer can do that, they wont be disappointed.  It is another found footage film, which I have said in the past I love.  Mainly because it gives you a view of how something could be real and not give you the sense of a Hollywood studio in the background.  I found myself saying, call the cops, go to the police station and just go many times, but in the end, some people are just dumb!  Give this a shot, its easy and entertaining and will give the words "Peach Fuzz" a whole new meaning!

FYI:  This is the first installment of a not yet made trilogy.

**1/2

I Saw The Devil

Ever want revenge?  I'm talking serious torture, mind blowing, cat playing with a half dead mouse kind of revenge.  This movie may just be your guide, like reading "Revenge for Dummies".  First you have to be a real bad ass, and really smart.  Next you have to loose someone you really love and let it completely consume you.  Lastly, you have to be able to stomach some pretty gruesome stuff.  Here we have another masterpiece staring the infamous Min-sik Choi (Oldboy,  Lady Vengeance) who plays a sadistic, serial killer that picks the wrong victim.  He kills the wife of a Secret Agent that sets out to track and torture the killer by becoming a monster himself.  He brings catch and release to a whole new level and decides that a simple death is just to good for this psycho.  There have been plenty of Korean revenge movies in the past, all with a touch of originality and this one sets the bar high yet again!  Unfortunately for humanity, the agent does what most of us would want to do to the killer if we had the means and skills.  I don't want to give away too much, but this movie adds the anticipated twists and complicated plot lines that I have come to love with these Korean horror movies.  Prepare yourself for gore and action with this hidden Netflix gem!  BTW, the next time you go on a murder spree, be careful when choosing your victim!

FYI:  This is Choi's first film since his protest over the Korean Film Guild.

****

The Judge

Daddy issues?  This is the movie for you!  Here is how I will interpret the script for you in a condensed version.  (Son) Boo Hoo, Poor me.  Daddy didn't give me enough attention or praise growing up.  I'll show him, (enter teenage angst, recklessness, and insubordination).  Oh, that didn't work, I'll show him, (enter over the top scholar, top of his class, graduate of prestigious law school).  Poor me, still sad, i'll hide my family from him.  (Father) Quiet, and listen to me!  I'm a hard ass and the Judge of this little town.  What I say goes, even when I am accused of murder and dying.  I will never let up, ever!  Sound familiar?  If so, you better bring some tissue and prepare for the water works.  This 2 1/2 hour movie was praised and flew below the radar for a long time.  I have to say, I am disappointed in myself for taking so long to watch it.  I loved this movie!  The writing and script was excellent and the performance by Downey Jr. and Duvall was absolutely outstanding.  Of course they are great in everything they do, but the setting here was perfect.  In short, a family broken up by a demanding father who hides his love for them is brought back together by the death of their mother.  This escalates into a series of events where the honorable Judge is accused of a crime and has to depend on his estranged son to help.  There were some cheesy and campy issues I had with a few parts but all in all a great watch.  If only real life was written like a movie script.

FYI:  This is the third time Duvall and Downey have worked together but Duvall didn't remember him when filming began.

****1/2

Horrible Bosses 2

Seriously though, who hasn't wanted to kill their boss at one time or another?  Some of you out there may have actually pulled it off!  If you have seen the first installment of this series, you will agree that its probably not a good idea to plan malicious acts against superiors, especially if you are a group of complete idiots!  This was an outstanding sequel!  Bateman, Sudeikis, and Day are great together and compliment each others comedic actions perfectly.  I would throw them up with some of the great trios of comedy cinema.  In this second act, the trio here come up with an invention called Shower Buddy, which has soap and shampoo come out along with the water.  They market it to some high roller companies and find interest with Waltz and Pine, who predictably screw them over.  Then the fumbling, idiocy begins, and in perfect fashion.  Pine almost steals the show here but with so many great actors its hard to pin point the best.  With returning roles of Aniston, and Foxx, this movie comes together very well.  This is a definite watch, even if your not a fan of the lead actors.

FYI:  Foxx wanted to have the Hangover guys make a cameo but was denied.

****

The Expendables 3

Cheese.  Like the melted cheese that comes out of a machine at a truck stop gooing all over your stale nachos.  There is so much to say about this third installment of the Expendables franchise but I will begin by saying it is basically my life story.  Me being Stallone, of course!  Writing this film, I think Stallone said, "What is our budget?"  "Lets take 90% of it and get every meat-head actor we can find for bit parts and throw in some explosions!"  I loved every minute of it!  Basically we have another of the same expendables movie with a slight twist that was really good.  It was the old vs new guys who are all invincible at the helm of bullets and bombs.  These guys (and girl) are all faster, stronger, smarter and more powerful than any killing device known to man including tanks, bombs, knifes, missiles, and C4 explosives.  Filled with terrible one liners and even worse CGI effects, this is a guilty pleasure all the way.  The best part is Antonio Banderas who literally steals the show!  I have decided to present awards for the actors in this film as follows:  Best Actor:  Gibson, Best Over-Actor:  Snipes, Worst use of a character in a movie:  Ford, Least Understandable: Jet Li, Stupidest Character:  Arnold, Worst One-Liners: Sly, Why?: Ortiz.  Rousey was a good addition but wow, she needs to stay far away from acting, but she is really hot so she gets a pass.  Definitely worth the watch if you liked the first two, and if your expecting any awards for this film other than a Razzie, your in for a long night.  Like I said, I loved it!

FYI:  Ahnold sneaks in his famous line, "Get to the CHOPPA!", twice :(

***1/2

Final Girl

It's Friday night, you and the fellas want to do a little late night hunting.  Like all hunting expeditions, you all clean up, put on your tuxedos, grab an axe and head to the woods.  Along the way, you pick up a hot chick and essentially make her the hunted.  Sound familiar?  We were all there in high school, I mean boys will be boys after all, right?  Unfortunately these poor honor roll students get the tables turned on them when they meet a suspecting dame who decides she doesn't like their weekend activities.  What a feminist, man hater!  She just cant leave well enough alone!  This might have been the worst movie made this year!  It was so bad from start to finish that I thought, "this was most likely written by a 5 year old.  A demented and troubled 5 year old, but a 5 year old"!  Here is the bad:  No back story, no training, paper thin writing, terrible acting, and a plot that made no sense.  It was a La Femme Nikita rip off trying to be artsy with the cinematography that came off as campy at best.  They were trying to be American Psycho meets any slasher flick but with terrible writing and almost no blood.  That wasn't even the worst part!  The worst was that Breslin, who plays the maiden/terminator was so unbelievable it cringed every time she came on screen.  The weird 50's style film noir style with the old time mystery setting was close to being the only cool part of the movie, but failed like everything else.  This is not good, and the creepy over-bad acting sealed the deal.  If you find this movie, pass.  You're better off watching "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" with Amber Heard.

FYI:  After this film was made the director/writer was killed after being hunted in the woods.

1/2 (you're welcome)

True Story

Amidst the close ups of a pale, clammy, tired James Franco, comes an ever so slow paced thriller about a man who allegedly kills his entire family.  When you put two narcissistic assholes in a room together to fill each other full of lies, you get greatness!  Well not necessarily in this film.  First we have Jonah Hill, Americas Sweetheart and a champion at extreme weight change.  He plays a disgraced writer who is canned for lying on a public image story.  His robotic and distant acting fell short in this role as he takes on the job of writing Franco's characters story.  Then we have Franco, he is so uncomfortable to watch at points that it makes you feel weird.  I guess that means he is doing the acting thing well.  He plays the accused killer of his wife and three children.  This is all based on true events, but then again unfortunately its not all that uncommon to hear about.  The majority of the story is set to have Franco tell Hill the story of what happened with exclusivity.  The only problem is they are both compulsive liars and the cat and mouse suspense is thrown way out of proportion.  Then throw in the weird, estranged relationship with Hill and his wife that brings the comfort level down another notch.  I guess I would say I was intrigued the entire film but felt let down with the events.  I wanted so much more and would have probably cast someone other than Hill.  I feel like this was good, but could have been great!  Worth a watch just get ready to make all of your own conclusions. I will say one thing, the original movie poster is one of the coolest I have ever seen.

FYI:  The character Hill plays still actually visits Franco's character once a month.

***1/2

Strangerland

The apple sure didn't fall far from the tree in this Mother / Daughter scenario.  Its kind of like that old saying we all know, "If it looks like a slut, and acts like a slut, its probably a slut."  Oh, you don't know that saying?  Well here is a story set in the outback about a family so crammed full of bad secrets that I don't know how they get out of bed in the morning.  Starting off with the kids, a couple of real manipulators, and the promiscuous daughter is destined to make her father pull his hair out.  The son kind of just goes along with the daughters dirty deeds, but still has the lying part down perfectly.  Now the parents, they painfully trench through life in every aspect whether its their marriage, work, raising kids, sex, its all there.  Anyway, kids go missing one night, we don't know if they are kidnapped or they ran away.  We don't know if they are dead or alive.  We also don't know if any of the towns people are involved.  This movie take the slow, steady approach through the lives of this family, pressing the emotional side of events to the brink.  There is plenty of symbolism throughout the film with evil tendencies such as the winding snake (watch for it).  All in all, I would say I  liked this movie but there were some huge holes.  I wanted a lot more closure and questions answered but enjoyed the deep seeded emotions it brought from the view of a parent loosing a child.  I wanted the dad to get drunk.  I wanted Kidman to stop being so over dramatic and I wanted some explanation of the old lady, the last town, and the end.  Give it a shot and stay far away from Australia.

FYI:  In Australia apparently you can say anything you want to the cops!

***

The Signal

Hey look, it's Morpheus in a roll as a creepy Area 51 Scientist.  He walks the same, talks the same and looks the same (only fatter).  Oh, wait, that's just the shitty acting of Laurence Fishburn.  So here is the question of the day:  What do you get when you put together 3 nerds from MIT?  One who is a complete dork genius, one who is a cripple/model genius, and one who is a boarder-line hipster chick genius.  You send them on a wild goose chase to Nevada seeking revenge on "Nomad" the hacker who nailed the MIT server.  Well what do you know, they all get abducted by aliens, of course, again.  This movie was taken right out of an H.G. Wells playbook with theories and strange occurrences that scream Sci fi.  There were some really cool twists and formularies in this movie that made it work.  I was disappointed at fist thinking this was just another Area 51 rip off of some kids ending up in an underground lab, but it wasn't at all.  You keep thinking either the characters are going crazy or that something just isn't right.  With its slow steady pace, you need to keep yourself involved until the very end.  There were some flaws, like every movie.  How did the kids figure out the escape codes?  Why were they playing mind games with them for so long?  What happened to the girl?  This movie took some different ideas from a few other movies and put them together in a way that connected the alien encounter world.  It was pretty good, most likely a straight to video production but a good watch all the less, Unless your not a sci fi fan, then stay away!

FYI:  Pay attention to the "crane game" at the beginning.  There is a lot of hinting symbolism there.

**1/2

Dark Places

Boo Hoo!  Poor me.  My poor, white trash family was killed by my brother when I was a little girl and all I can do is cry about it!  Typical Kansas!  A poverty stricken farm family with a drunk, part time Dad, and a Son who is into drugs and devil worship.  Who says the Midwest isn't exciting?  Other than the Royals, this is the worst thing to happen to Kansas City since BBQ sauce.  Surprised you haven't heard of this one yet?  Well that's probably because it played in like 3 theaters and shot straight to the On Demand circuit.  Like Gone Girl, this film has the dubbed over narration voice of a calm, gentle woman telling the tale of her life.  As a child her Mother and two sisters were killed by what appears to be her teenage brother.  She narrowly escapes from her bedroom window and we forward 28 years later where she is trying to find the truth of what really happened.  She teams up with a group of weirdo true crime fanatics who are desperately trying to prove the innocence of her brother.  With a touch of "made for TV" quality feel, this movie was really good.  It was your suspense, who-dun-it type of crime drama that has you moving in a different direction with your prediction commonly throughout the movie.  The acting was really good and made you feel terrible for this poor, impressionable family.  Theron probably wouldn't have been my first casting choice (apparently Amy Adams was unavailable), but did well regardless.  There were some holes, such as the age of the daughter of the convicted.  He was in prison for 28 years and she comes out looking 17, 20 max!  What?  They spent a little too much time on the gap fillers and should have told a little more of the crime solving story.  All in all it was definitely a movie worth watching.  Now quit crying and grow up!

FYI:  This movie was put on hold so Gone Girl could get the attention with no competition.

****

The Cobbler

Oy Vey!  The old Sand Man has done it again!  I mean really, can this guy ever do anything wrong when it comes to the magic of movies?  Just look back at his greatest hits such as, "Jack and Jill", "Punch Drunk Love", and "Little Nicky"!  Boy, if you ask me it doesn't get any better than these slap stick comedies of our generation.  WTF?  Sandler, although very likable and great if your mindset is from 6 to 13 years old, has made some real crap over the years.  The best part, he has made millions off of said crap, and someone like me, a big critic of his, continues to watch his stuff repeatedly!  What the hell is wrong with us?  If you haven't figured out this movie just by looking at the cover ill break it down for you.  Schlep shoe cobbler living in the burrows of NYC finds he has a magic sewing machine in the basement.  When he uses it on his customers shoes and puts them on, he turns into that person.  Great idea, actually not that bad of a movie, and with his usual entourage of actors involved, its laughable.  What more is there to say about these type of movies, my 7 and 12 year old loved it, I was intrigued (after 4 vodka's), and was entertained from start to finish.  One of the things I like best about Sandler, is he said he doesn't even read the critics reviews, only counts his money from the film.  Bravo!  I just hope this hits his desk and he allows me to write the commentary for all of his movie posters.  Give this one a shot, its not to bad, not to mention you can escape into the story thinking of how great it would be to have that machine!

FYI:  This is Sandler and Buscemi's 10th film together.

***

The Gunman

Don't ever mess with another man's woman!  Unless you're a jacked Sean Penn!  Plus, who says that you cant play an action star after 50?  Apparently all of the internet trolls who demolished this film.  I just want to remind all of them, (as if anyone of them would read this), of Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Nesson, Statham, okay, not quite 50 yet.  Seriously, as soon as you see Penn, you will be like, Whoa, he is ripped!  This movie was a mix of Spy Game, Blood Diamond, and the Bourne movies, and it really kicked ass!  There were some forced scenarios such as the love interest, and the reason he was set up in the first place, but good acting and great action!  Basically, as we have seen many times before, a shooter on a job to re direct a political agenda is set up by one of his team.  Now years later he is being hunted by assassins with financial interest.  Of course, his old lady gets thrown into the mix, and in the end....just kidding, I wont spoil it for you.  Good movie that was taken very seriously and the cast all fit the part very well.  After I watched it I thought, "how long would it take to learn how to fight like that and how many more weights would I have to lift?"  The answer, probably forever!  Give this one a shot, you will definitely like it if your into action movies.

FYI:  Javier Bardem was apparently paid $5million for this, and he is in it for about 13 minutes!  He did play a pretty good drunk guy though.

****

Sex Ed

What do you do when your an out of work teacher, 26 years old, chubby with a baby face and still a virgin?  You take on an after school program teaching sex ed!  Who better to run the show than Haley Joel Osment, an awkward, chubby, has been with a tiny face.  He just looks the part of a geeky mathlete.  There are some good and bad from this Netflix pick, and I was actually pleasantly surprised.  HJO is a little hard to watch as he is so clumsy and not a very good actor.  The kids are pretty funny and the main girl is really hot (Lorensa Izzo)!  What held the movie together comedy wise was the black bartender, the school placement guy, and the roommate.  Its an easy movie to watch with a typical but interesting story line.  Most of it seemed like a straight to video movie that was made by some friends who have watched just about every other post teen movie about sex, or lack there of.  It reminded me a little of the not so smart, or witty School of Rock.  I would give this flick a shot, if anything just to see the kid who saw dead people fumble his way through it.

FYI:  Lorensa Izzo who plays the hot chick is Eli Roth's wife and in many of his horror movie.

***