Brick Mansions

In a world, covered in cheese, apparently everyone in Detroit, Circa 2018, is an American Ninja Warrior, including the late Paul Walker!  How fast does ones heart race while full speed running, jumping, climbing, rolling, fighting, and basically flying for 40 minutes straight?  I would guess it is right at the category of exploding!  Another Netflix throw away that surely would have gone straight to video if Walker hadn't died.  This re make was about as generic as it gets, with some extremely stupid characters, lines, and villains.  Paul Walker plays yet again, another undercover cop who has to infiltrate a walled off area full of crime in Detroit.  This area known as "Brick Mansions" is run by an overlord played by RZA.  You know, the Wu Tang Clan rapper, turned "actor".  Here is the kicker, the criminals have a bomb that is accidentally armed and will most likely blow up this 6 block area.  Walker teams up with Belle, a french ex criminal, ex military, and all around master of every martial art known to man.  As far as I am concerned he was the only cool part of this movie.  To top it all off, the last 20 minutes of the film was so ridiculously stupid, I almost gave up on it.  This is another future TBS Saturday afternoon snoozer you will see often.  Good hangover movie that wont make your brain work for a single second.  Now stay out of the Ghetto!

FYI:  Make a drinking game out of how many mistakes are made in this movie such as girl shifts car into drive, and it goes in reverse, etc.

*1/2

Extraterrestrial

Those pesky aliens are at it again!  Not your typical, wait, these are your typical aggressive aliens just popping down to earth collecting species to experiment on.  Humans being a prime target, as always.  Never have I seen a movie with so much potential, and effects, with a cool concept be such a DUD!  The not so original story here is our government has had a secret agreement with aliens for years.  They can come and experiment once in a while and leave with no more harm done as long as humans don't engage.  Well, a group of pot head college kids engage!  Then guess what happens, all hell brakes loose!  This is kind of a "Fire in the Sky" meets "Cabin in the Woods" movie with decent acting and a few good twists that keep you watching just as boredom begins to set in.  The end gets a little cheesy (smoking man), and the crazy pot grower in the woods is laughable (Michael Ironside).  Not to give the best part away, but this movie bring the classic Alien Probe to a whole new level.  If this was directed by J.J. Abrams, it would have been a blockbuster for sure!  I would give it a shot if you have some time to spend on an alien movie, but there are far better out there (check some of my past reviews).  Just keep in mind, if you happen to encounter an alien spaceship, its probably a good idea to leave as soon as possible.  Just sayin.

FYI:  Melanie Papalia is going for the title of B rated scream queen, she is literally in every cheesy movie made in the last 5 years.  Someone needs a new agent!

**1/2

Blackhat

Want to feel really stupid?  Seriously, want to watch a series of computer hackers doing their thing and listen to their tech-y nerd lingo?  Then feel like you know nothing and are even stupider than you are?  Well do I have the movie for you, Blackhat!  My first thought after 20 minutes into this was, "is this all a bunch of made up jargon with unbelievable and completely unrealistic tactics, or am I just that dumb"?  Take Thor, er, I mean Hemsworth and give him a Stephen Hawking brain.  Then throw in a hot Asian chick and her FBI type brother.  Lastly, toss in millions of stolen dollars and BAM!  You have yourself a blockbuster.  Expert hacker is taken out of prison to help track down a truck load of money stolen from stock markets around the world by other hackers.  I actually liked this flick, could have done without the cheesy love interest of Hemsworth, completely unnecessary.  Extremely unbelievable, but so complex for the average citizen, you cant help but to just sit back, pretend you understand what they are talking about and enjoy the ride.  Good action, cool setting and Thor is pretty good in most of his stuff.  Give it a shot, or just wait for it to become another played out TBS movie, trust me, it will.

FYI:  Michael Mann donated $40,000 to the community chest of Hong Kong to thank them for his use of the Lobby of the bank in this film for 5 days! 

***

The Bunny Game

Well, there are two types of people in this world; Wolves and Bunnies.  Do I have to ask which would win face to face in the wild?  Good.  There are also two different types of movies in this world; sick, twisted, sadistic, nearly un-watchable and simply watchable.   As you can tell by the cover art, this particular movie is a perfect fit for family movie night with the kids.  But then again, maybe not because that would be in the "Watchable" category.  This wasn't exactly the most disturbing thing on the market, but the repetitive, artsy tone with little dialogue (other than crazy coked out hooker screams and crazy coked out trucker mumble), makes it an almost grueling experience.  Ready for the plot?  Damaged, drug addict, hooker looking for her next paycheck gets into the wrong truck.  Psychotic, drug addict, truck driver captures her and tortures her for his summer vacation.  The end.  Not highly recommended and would most likely pass on this.

FYI:  Still banned in the UK

1/2

Before I Go To Sleep

Don't you hate it when you wake up in the morning and cant remember the night before?  For most of us, its due to hitting the bottle a little to hard prior to passing out.  Well in Nicole Kidmans case, its due to a car accident years before where she basically turns into the guy from Memento.  She can only remember that day she is in.  Well this dark rendition of Groundhog day will take you into her world of waking up next to a stranger every morning, who then has to explain to her that he is her husband.  Sensing something is wrong, she begins to trust her therapist who convinces her to video a journal everyday so that she will remember.  It quickly turns into a dark thriller with something sinister at bay.  Who can you trust?  Who are these people really?  WTF is going on???  It all comes out in the end, and makes for a pretty good suspense film.  Not a lot of new tricks in this one, but definitely worth a shot.

FYI:  Kidman convinced Firth to hit her extra hard in the fight scene so she would have actual blood.

***

Joe

AHHHH, good ole southern country livin!  These back woods royalties have it made!  C'mon, who doesn't want to live in an abandoned trailer with an alcoholic, abusive father, no food, and a 9 year old sister who is so traumatized by life she wont even talk.  Boo Hoo, you didn't get the new X-Box game you were pissing about?  Try having your drunk ass dad beat the shit out of you, steal your money, and pimp your little sister.  Well if you havent realized that this is the feel good movie of the year, keep on reading!  Enter Nic Cage.  The man has had some flops, and by some I mean a TON!  Well he redeemed himself in this little diddy, and crushed his role as an ex-con lumber jack who takes a troubled boy under his wing and tries to do good with him.  Its not your typical wise old woodsman teaching a kid about life, but has some of those elements in it as well.  Throw in hookers, dog fights, police brutality, child abuse, southern black slang, and booze.  Now yer talkin!  This movie was a much underrated hidden Netflix gem that had me sucked in from the first few minutes.  The is a definite watch and will help you forget all about most of Cages other films.

FYI:  The abusive father in this film was played by Gary Poulter, a real life homeless man who was given the part by the director and ended up dying on the streets 2 months after filming was completed.

****

Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief

WOW!  Have you ever thought a "Religion" was total bullshit?  How about one that makes you sign a Billion year contract?  Yes, that was Billion, with a B!  No?  Well be prepared to perish in the depths of an inner hell-like universe where your total existence is demolished.  I will try and de-construct this for you.  75 million years ago Xenu, a Galactic Overlord imprisoned millions of bad souls in a world similar to Earth in the 1950's.  He then shipped them in pods to Earth and dumped them into our volcano's where they would later attach themselves to human babies being born.  With Scientology, you go through a lengthy process of being audited using an E-Meter which is basically two coffee cans with a wire attached to them, in order to become "Clear" and rid yourselves of the Evil Souls attached to you.  All of this created by the Cult Leader L. Ron Hubbard, you know the Science Fiction writer in the Guinness Book for writing over 1000 publications.  He was also an all around asshole, terrible father, and biggest scam artist known to man.  Whew!  Got all of that?  Now take intelligent members of our society (Tom Cruse, Travolta, Issac Hayes, etc) and see how they seriously bought into this shit!  This was an amazing documentary that really showed how stupid people really are, especially seeing how much time and money they all contribute to this cult.  Give this movie a watch, it will blow your mind!  All Praise Hubbard!!!

FYI:  Don't mess with these bruisers, they give the Mafia a run for their money!  

****