Deadpool

Bam!  Right in your face!  This movie has changed the standard for comic book films forever (I think).  First off, Ryan Reynolds was the perfect cast for this movie, weather it was him under the mask half the time or not.  If was basically Van Wilder as a super hero, and it worked, perfectly.  There was plenty of talk about it not being tame enough for kids, and a little thin on the story line, but who cares, it worked, perfectly.  I walked out of the theater thinking it might be my favorite superhero movie, right up there with Dark Knight, and Guardians of the Galaxy.  Basically, we have a dude who discovers he has all types of cancer eating his major organs so he takes a desperate offer to help his condition.  He basically gets tortured for a while and turned into a super assassin.  He isn't quite a good guy, and not really a bad guy, as a matter of fact he doesn't really care about much other than revenge, shit talking, and his girl.  The one liners are outstanding and the hidden Easter Eggs are great throughout.  I would highly recommend this movie and be prepared to laugh, a lot!

FYI:  The suit had to be altered and the muscle skin taken out due to the fact that Reynolds was so muscular, it didn't fit!

*****

August Underground

This wont be so much of a review as it will be a warning not to watch.  This is only the second time I have done this, (first one being A Serbian Film).  This is a sick twisted and disgusting movie that believe it or not is a damn trilogy!  I watched the first two out of pure curiosity and couldn't stomach another round.  Here is the paper thin plot; found footage film of three 20's something psychopaths who have a hobby of kidnapping practically anyone they want and torturing them in a disgusting smelly basement.  The reality of the footage is beyond real and gives you a gut wrenching feeling that you cant take your eyes off of.  It is a movie that you cant un-see and makes you think this shit actually happens!  They are over the top with their torture antics and I cant even begin to rate the worst.  Could be the decapitated baby in the trash can, or the necrophilia with a young girl, or maybe the scene where they make a bound victim locked in a coffin cut off his own penis.  Yep, all of these things are just the tip of the iceberg.  You can only guess how bad these vile people smell, how the hell they met each other?!?  Anyway, I have already given this movie too much of my time.  If you like human feces, vomit, lots of blood, incest, necrophilia, torture, and uneducated idiots this is the one for you!

FYI:  This movie had an estimated $300 budget.

* (only for shock value)

Krampus

Perfect movie to show your snot-nose little brats who are ungrateful, little shits bitching and moaning about everything regardless of the countless hours, dollars and effort you put into giving them the most incredible, unforgettable commercialized experience for the holidays only for them to spit right in your FACE! Whew, deep breaths.  Ahhhhh, Christmas time, the most wonderful time of the year :)  Now, back to the movie review.  This heartfelt holiday gem is about the fabled creature named, "Krampus".  He is the anti Santa who visits the house of the spoiled brats only to kill them in the most horrific ways and sending them to the depths of hell.  Sound like a good family movie?  Well, see comments above.  I liked it knowing that it was a spoof and had some great cheese on purpose.  The actors all did a great job and you can see right away why such big names signed on to play the parts.  Give this one a shot, it is a little like the Scream series in terms of goof, gore, and fun all in one.

FYI:  The story of Krampus has been around for 100's of years and just last year 3 movies and 6 TV shows mentioned him.  Weird.

****

My All American

Ugh, the overachiever.  Well all know him, we all hate him.  Oooh, look at me, I am the best at everything!  Shut up!  Watch me, I can out smart, play and think everyone!  Shut up!  Okay, jealousy may be a part of my attitude :)  The true story of a young man who literally works harder than anyone else in order to be the best.  His dad may have pushed him a little to far as he was most likely a head case in real life.  This guy was too small, to play college football but had enough heart and determination to make his a breakout star in Texas.  The story is not only a reflection of his perseverance on the field but also off when diagnosed with a rare bone cancer that ends up taking his leg.  A little too "Disney" for me and was pretty white washed but a good story.  Worth a watch if your a sports fan and like the whole divinity thing.  Aaron Eckhart is just okay, Robin Tunney is someone who was done in the 90's, and Finn Wittrock will always be "Dandy" to me.

FYI:  Finn Wittrock never actually played football before filming.  He had to attend a camp in order to learn the game!  Un-American!

***

The Forest

That bratty little sister of yours, always getting into more shenanigans!  This time she off and gets lost in a haunted forest in Japan where people go to kill themselves.  Dang it, I guess I will catch the first flight out.  The forest only spreads across three or four Asian mountain ranges, how hard can it be?!  Oh look, I found her tent on the first day, or did I?  I also brought this friendly English speaking dude I met in the bar the night before to help.  Or is he really helping me?  What is real in this place, I don't know but I am definitely staying overnight!  Sound ridiculous?  Thats because it is!  They do an okay job of building suspense and capturing your enthusiasm but when you sit back and think, its pretty stupid.  I liked the fact that the forest confuses you and builds suspense as to what is real and what is in your mind but it all goes just a little too far and becomes a little comical.  I would actually see this again for free, but not that impressed, especially after getting my hopes up after the previews.  Oh, and if you want to get a good laugh, check out the review boards of this one.  Lots of people saying it is whitewashing because they cast a white girl, and how disrespectful to those who committed suicide?  WTF?

FYI:  Apparently this damn suicide forest is real!

***

Bone Tomahawk

There is a definite hierarchy in this movie weighed by facial hair.  The more you have, the tougher you are!  If your a bearded man-beast with a twisty mustache, you are more than likely the leader.  Just a hipster twisty stache, good gun slinger with a chip on your shoulder.  No facial hair, either a simpleton or a pussy.  There you have it, Bone Tomahawk!  This movie was just plain cool!!!  I didn't know what to expect with this one and damn was I pleasantly surprised.  It is one of the most underrated movies I have seen in a long time.  It is original, fresh, interesting to the point of keeping you on the edge of your seat with out blowing you away with pointless action and like I said cool.  Every character is good, the dialogue was great and the story was perfect.  It is a great mix of western and horror with a twist and an ending that rocks!  A young maiden is abducted by Indians, and the four man search party sets out on a rescue mission.  As you can imagine they have to deal with the hazards of the wild west along with the unknown and also the clock.  These so called Indians who did the abducting aren't you typical Dances with Wolves type injuns, these are some bad ass savages with some ulterior motives in mind.  Definitely watch this movie, it will be a great experience!

FYI:  Mathew Fox was the fourth casting choice for this role.  I think he nailed it!

*****

Martyrs

As they say, another pointless remake!  I usually don't agree with that saying when it comes to movies because I like to see different visions of a film that could be improved or changed.  Well this one did absolutely no justice to the original other than a tad bit more of an explanation.  There were some good scenes in this movie but almost immediately ruined in the very next scene.  It was close to an exact remake with no real changes other than eliminating the deep gore and shock value.  Two early twenty something girls, one who had been traumatized by an abduction incident when she was young return to the place where it all went down.  From here it is stupid mistake after stupid mistake until you almost start to route for the bad guys.  The lead actress (the normal one) is really hot, and kind of reminds me of a young Jennifer Garner.  If you have seen the original and want to solve some curiosity, give it a shot.  If you are interested, please watch the original first!

FYI:  Shot in 20 days

**1/2