The Revenant

When are the savages going to quit playing the, "Boo-Hoo, you stole my land" card?  Seriously, maybe if you were better at protecting the things you love and stop expecting the spirit world to "guide" you through life, things might have turned out a little different.  Okay, so you gave us fire-water, and casinos.  As if that is a positive contribution!  I am kidding!  Don't be so P.C.  This is a true story based on a white man who co-habitats with an Indian tribe, only to have his wife killed by invaders.  All he has left is his son who he has with him while working with a group of hunters.  As luck will have it, he ends up getting mauled by a bear, left for dead by his team, has his son brutally taken from him by one of his team members, and crawls 200 miles to civilization.  All the while fighting off renegades, Apache, and the tortures of winter on a mountain.  Once he is able to heel a little, he sets out on his revenge against Hardy.  This movie was intense, crazy, and Awesome!!!!  DiCaprio, and Hardy are amazing and deserve Oscars for this.  All I can say is, WOW!  If you decide to watch this, which I highly recommend.  Be sure to bundle up because it will make you cold just watching it.  It is an incredible story that should be seen by all.

FYI:  Leo ate a real raw buffalo liver in this production!

*****

Steve Jobs

How many is that now, 3? 4, movies about Steve Jobs that are complete fails?  I don't get it.  One of the most compelling figures of our time and no one can make a good movie about him.  There is even a good movie about a used car salesman who did nothing!  Here is my breakdown of the good, the bad and the ugly with this film.  The Good:  Fassbender is one hell of a good actor!  He controls every scene and plays the part well.  Also, the writing, (although completely false) was good.  The Bad:  This movie takes twenty years of the life of a genius and puts it into a three scene movie.  Not to mention they completely skipped over his younger years, his greatest inventions, and his life.  The Ugly:  Unfortunately, Kutcher had a much better and more believable look for Jobs than Fassbender.  This movie was completely fabricated and made Jobs out to be the largest dickhead in America.  There were discussions between him and a number of his famously estranged partners that either never really happened or were just wrong.  You can spend 2 hours watching the behind the scenes of his three computer system launches, and be disappointed.  Or, spend 2 hours watching "Jobs" and learn more of the accurate history, and be disappointed.  Hollywood, its time to get the next one right.

FYI:  Fassbender memorized the entire 190 page script!

**

The Theory of Everything

Finally got around to watching this one.  Oh, you remember, the underrated story based on that super smart guy in a wheel chair.  Well la-dee-frickin-da, look at me.  I'm a nerdy, clutz with a brain so big I can solve the space-time continuum using the theory of a reverse black hole.  Who cant?  Okay, so this dude is pretty amazing, and by amazing, I mean holy crap!  This was an outstanding movie that really delved into the depths of a horrible struggle for someone who has the science world at his fingertips.  Stephen Hawking has to be proud of the work from Eddie Redmayne, because it was absolutely amazing.  This movie showed the extremely sad life of Hawking and how the disease progressed throughout the years completely incapacitating him.  He prevailed and still maintained one of the greatest science minds of our time.  I was surprised by all of the hate reviews about this movie, but I think most of them were from Bible beaters who were offended by praising a man who was an Atheist.  The hardest part of watching this is thinking of Jonah Hill's line from "Knocked Up", "People think I'm smart because I talk like a computer".  This is running on HBO I think right now so give it a shot.  Definitely worth it!

FYI:  Hawking reportedly said that he felt like he was watching himself at times in this movie.

****

Goodnight Mommy

Ready for one of the creepiest movies of the year?  Tired of your Mom?  Well lets just put them both together and make an amazing film!  Not kidding, this was a creepy and intense movie.  The only problem is I cant say much about it without giving away some of the twists and turns that happen.  I will start off with this explanation:  Two young boys anxiously await the return of their mother from having some extensive facial surgery done.  When she returns home nothing is as it seems and all of their lives take significant, unexpected turns.  There is a thriller/mystery feel to this movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat and your heart racing the entire time thinking, "what will happen next?"  The acting was great, setting great, story great, the only problem I had with this was I predicted a few things which ruined it for me.  Maybe I should stop watching so many movies.  This ranks up there for one of the best thrillers of the year along with, "It Follows" and "Ex-Machina".  I would suggest this to anyone who likes movies and in for a good creep out.  I loved every minute of it and even though I have some of my own theory's about what really happened at the end and throughout I would love to hear more.  Watch immediately!

FYI:  The original Austrian title is translated to "I See, I See".

****1/2

CBGB

Mmmmmm, warm stale beer, the smell of mold and urine, the occasional pile of dog poop, and extremely rude clientele listening to punk rock!  Sounds like a date night to me!  If you like Country, Bluegrass and Blues, then you will love this bar.  Here we have a great story of the legendary CBGB club/bar/music venue in New York.  The infamous Hilly Krystal who was a failing father, husband, club owner, and all around looser decides to go all in, again and open a club.  This time he decides that he will center it around live music but only from bands who play original songs only!  Apart from his big heart getting the way most of the time he accidentally creates a musical movement that explodes the scene and lifts breakthrough bands to their stardom.  This movie was awesome!  It helped me remember so many bands that I had forgotten about getting their start at this run down club like Blondie, The Police, Iggy Pop, The Ramones, The Dead Boys, Talking Heads, Patti Smith, the list goes on!  Crazy to think that all of these iconic musical acts all started in the same place.  The best quote of the movie is Hilly being interviewed saying, "Look, these kids have something to say, and I think we should listen."  Definite watch on Netflix!

FYI:  Hilly was recognized by the Talking Heads during their acceptance into the Hall of Fame.

****

Black Mass

Hey, did you know that this movie is about Whitey Bulger?  The same as Jack Nicholson's character in The Departed!  Yes, know it all.  We all know that already and stop acting like your smarter than everyone else.  Unfortunately for Black Mass, it wasn't The Departed, or Goodfellas, or Donnie Brasco.  This famous gangster has had more movies made about him than Robin Hood.  What better way to further the celebration of a serial killing psychopath than cast Depp, along with an all star cast that all did an amazing job.  Basically the short of the story is Bulger teams up with his FBI childhood friend and becomes an informant to take down the Italian Mafia.  All the while, Bulger is killing, robbing, beating, and selling his way to the top of the crime ladder.  This story stuck pretty true to what I have read but didn't really hit the great meter with me.  It was good, and Depp did an outstanding job as the freaky eyed, balding, dead toothed lunatic  This is big for me to say because I am not a Depp fan, but other than that it just fell short.

FYI:  Some of Bulgers former associates were consultants on the film and said, "Yep, that's him!"

***1/2

WIld

"Wild", also known as, "The longest walk of shame ever!"  Of all the long walk or hiking movies this one gives the old trail of tears a run for its money.  Boo-hoo, poor me.  I'm a little slut who constantly cheats on her husband and turns into a junkie because my white trash, enabling mommy died.  Get over it and make something of yourself!  Wow, okay sorry, that was a little harsh.  In all actuality, this movie was really good, especially if you like Reese Witherspoons boobies!  This had great scenery and excellent metaphors that really touched the purpose of the movie.  Plus, where can I get my hands on a copy of Hobo Times?  Basically, a young woman decides to find herself after destroying her marriage and experiencing the death of her mother.  She hikes nearly 1000 miles on her own up the Pacific Crest Trail.  Here she falls deep into her own hatred, fears and regrets only to pull herself out stronger by achieving a remarkable goal.  There are great stories to be told along the way with the excellent characters in the story-line.  I would highly recommend watching this movie and in case you missed it, there are a number of scenes with Witherspoons boobies!

FYI:  Watch for the lead singer of Everclear as a tattoo artist in this one!

***1/2

Heist

What do you get when you cross the movies, "Speed", "John Q", and a poor mans "Oceans 11", then throw a title on it that has been used about a billion times.  THEN, take a bunch of known actors and try really hard?  Give up yet?  It's an easy one.  Heist!!!  Good job, you nailed it!  Unfortunately the writers of this piece of garbage didn't!  This was pretty thrown together and about as predictable and unoriginal as it gets.  Even the "zinger" at the end was called by the first 15 minutes of the movie.  Here is the skinny; big time, multi-millionaire casino owner (riverboat) is into some money laundering.  Good-hearted, down on his luck worker with a sketchy past needs money for his dying daughter.  Que the robbery, an estranged relationship with casino owners daughter, a cop with an intuition for "nice" criminals (who is a terrible actor by the way), and a crooked detective.  There, you're welcome, now you don't have to watch the movie.  Now don't get me wrong, I didn't shut it off or anything, but you will definitely see this on TBS three times a weekend very soon!

FYI:  At least two of the actors in this movie have made money in the ring.

**

99 Homes

Want to watch a movie that will scare the shit out of you?  Here it is, and not in the sense of horror, or thriller, this is how life can change on a dime and turn your entire world upside down!  The realistic situations in this movie and who it affects is terrifying and really gives you a chill wondering what you would do in that situation.  So the movie is based during the hosing market burst, when working (or formerly working) middle class suburbanites are being evicted from their homes due to bank foreclosures.  When Garfield's character gets the boot from Shannon, who works for the banks he starts to spiral out of control.  He then ends up working for Shannon as a repair guy and quickly climbs the ladder to actually doing the evicting himself.  This really goes deep into the heat breaking, emotional side of families being ripped from their security and sent out on the streets.  The simple logic behind the bank is frightening but goes head to head with the declining moral compass of Americas society and the obsession with greed.  I loved this movie and thought it was extremely underrated.  Find it, and watch it now!  Then get a budget contributing 30% of your paycheck into savings!

FYI:  Based on a true story of a man who exposes a fraudulent realtor.

****

Creed

Yo, Adrian, wait no, dead.  Yo, Paulie, wait, again, dead.  Yo, Mick, nope, still dead.  Yo, Apollo, uhhhh...  Wait!  Yo, Donnie!  Here we go like a bullet out of a gun!  Being the biggest Rocky fan I know, and possibly the entire world, how was I not the first in line on opening day of this flick?!  Well, its because I have kids, and a job, and busy with real life but damn, what a movie!  I will be honest, I was a little skeptical hearing what was going on here with Rocky returning but kept optimistic and was extremely impressed.  Yes, there were the haters saying stupid shit like, its not realistic.  Shut up, its a MOVIE!  So Jordan is the illegitimate son of the world famous Apollo Creed who shows up on the scene as a true natural talent.  He begins his career under his mothers last name as to try and make a name for himself out of his fathers shadows but it soon surfaces that he is a Creed.  From here, he is in the spotlight and under the training of the other world famous Rocky.  The acting was great, I loved the story, and the boxing scenes were awesome.  Jordan is one hell of an actor and went through a huge body transformation to look the part.  He pulled off a young Carl Weathers really well.  If your a fan of Rocky, or Boxing, I would definitely suggest seeing this movie.

FYI:  This is the first of the Rocky franchise that Stallone didn't write.

****1/4

I Spit on Your Grave 3: Vengeance is Mine

Now that's a lot of spit!  I mean, considering the original, then the remake with two sequels, all together comprising of about 20 rape scenes.  I would say its the perfect date movie!  Well, here we go again for the third installment of the modern day rape/revenge movie.  Regardless of it being about the worst subject possible (rape, of course) it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  The acting was actually ok, the main chick is hot, and the story telling was pretty good as it intertwined with the first movie.  The situations were pretty dumb and obviously you will find yourself saying, "what the fuck are you doing"?  This is definitely a low budget thriller that the director tried to make his last attempt to cash in on a known franchise.  Oh, the story?  Well the poor unfortunate young woman who was brutally raped and traumatized only to take revenge on her attackers is back!  This time she is taking justice in her own hands and helping those victims she has gotten to know.  She takes pleasure in her extreme measures and brings new meaning to the term, "pipe in the ass", oh wait, thats not a saying?

FYI:  The main detective in this movie has the worst hair ever!

**