The Green Inferno

Welcome to the jungle hipster, douche bag college kids who think they are fighting a good cause.  Get over yourself, this isn't the 70's.  Haven't you figured it out that money rules the world?  Well just take a look at the poster above.  Who wouldn't want to see this creepy dude on screen?!  After anticipating the greatness of this movie for over a year, I finally went to the theater with my 13 year old daughter.  Best idea?  Maybe not, but I am in the running for Dad of the year!  If you don't know by now this is a lost Amazonian cannibal trip movie that gets to dine on some over privileged college kids.  I loved every minute of it!  I have always been a fan of "Cannibal Holocaust" and this didn't quite compare, but it was pretty damn good.  Basically you have the gorilla group of kids who want to save the rain forest by chaining themselves to some trees in the jungle.  Low and behold they find them selves in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Classic story, of being eaten alive.  There were some really good gory scenes of slaughter and some gross scenarios that may haunt you for a bit, all in true Eli Roth form.  You really get sucked in thinking what would you do in this situation, and as always find some way to get away.  I myself kept thinking, with that body paint on all the time, don't these natives ever get zits??  Check this out if your a fan of the horror genre, it wont disappoint.  Just be careful the next time you decide to save the earth, someone might not want you in their kitchen!

FYI:  The tribe members in this film were the real deal and had never been filmed before or seen a movie.

****

The Visit

Ahhh, the Grandparents house!  The comforting smell of fresh baked cookies, the warm blankets by the fire, and the musky air filled with the stench of rotting corpses in the basement.  It makes those weeks you spend with them go by fast!  Here we have the latest flick from Shyamalan, who in my opinion always makes a great movie with a cool twist.  I agree, some of the acting in his films have been rather suspect, but looking past that we always have hours of suspenseful enjoyment.  This one takes place following two children who go to visit and meet their Grandparents for the first time.  Their mom who is estranged from the grandparents is finally giving them the opportunity to spend a week with them upon their request.  Soon after the kids arrival they begin to sense something odd about them and keep referring back to the fact they are old and are destined to be quirky.  As the days go on, they discover more and more about these people that is really off!  I don't want to give too much away but you start to feel the tension and find yourself yelling at the screen to just get out!  Don't listen to the terrible reviews of those expecting another "6th Sense", its just not going to happen people.  Check it out for your self and embrace the actual story.  I liked it, even with the obvious holes and the somewhat predictable twist.  Now call your parents!

FYI:  This will give you a new found respect for dirty diapers.

***1/2

The Brass Teapot

Have you ever said something like, "If I had a dollar for every time I stubbed my toe...?"  How about the classic old game of, "what would you do for a million dollars?"  Now just think if those things could really come true!  Seriously, how far would you go?  Well in this hidden Netflix gem, a down on their luck 20's something married couple fall upon a magical teapot that gives you money every time you get hurt.  Of course this couple does what any red blooded american would do, they bring the pain!  Their goal is to get to a million bucks all the while, becoming a little obsessed.  Meanwhile those who find out about it try to steal the pot and obsession sets in.  Things start to change and they discover the payout for pain isn't as hearty as it used to be so they have to get creative and find new ways to earn the cash.  With a twist of the origin of the pot this movie came out to be a great new take on the Monkeys Paw story.  Good cast with some fun cameos and decent acting.  I would have liked to see more of a backstory on the pot and the money making but all in all very enjoyable film.  

FYI:  This $900k film made a whopping $4k opening weekend.  On two screens.

***1/2

Contracted / Contracted Phase 2

A 2 movie bonus post!  Contracted 1 & 2 gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "one night stand."  I am pretty sure they should show these at every Jr. High Sex Education course as the best deterrent for unprotected sex.  I decided to combine these movies because they are just plain nasty!  The basic premise is a sexually transmitted disease which begins to turn you into piece of rotting flesh complete with worms and maggots festering inside of you, constant excretion of blood from every orifice, and ending in the desire to eat flesh.  Well to make things worse, it mutates and becomes contagious just from the touch.  It seems some asshole who thinks the human race is a virus that needs to be eliminated is deliberately spreading this disease.  When I said these movies are nasty, that was an understatement.  The flesh eating bacteria and body mutations are so disgusting you almost dry heave while watching.  Most of the acting is just okay, but when they are in pain or getting sick, they nailed the part where the audience is supposed to cringe.  Overall I liked both movies, it was a different take on the whole "Zombie" type of morphing.  If you plan on watching these, make sure you are eating potato soup and chips during the sick scenes, you will love it!

FYI:  During pre production there was an actual virus going around on set.  3 people were seriously hospitalized.

***1/2

Vacation 2015

Family vacations just aren't what they used to be.  Now its all more expensive, not as much fun as you thought, a constant search for the i-Pad charger, sibling fights, and never enough booze!  Well head to the movies because the old family truckster is at it again, only this time it's Rusty at the wheel!  Before going into this movie you have to ask yourself, did you like the original, or are you obsessed with the original?  I only say this due to the enormous amount of terrible reviews I have read and completely disagree.  I really loved the original and think this fits the bill.  First off the casting is great!  Ed Helms plays a great adult son of Clark W. Griswald and even gives a freak out performance like the original.  There were some great typical 'Vacation" type scenarios throughout the movie that made it a raunchy, fun comedy.  I mean really, it wasn't the Departed.  Applegate, Hemsworth, Mann, Day, Livingston, Reedus, Key, all perfect cameos.  Once again the Griswald's take a trip across country to beloved, Wally World so Helms can take his family on the vacation of their/his dreams.  Along the way they visit family and friends and have the same great misadventures.  I was extremely disappointed in Chevy's part, he really has lost his good ole acting chops and gained about 100 lbs.  I would highly recommend and think it was exactly what I expected.  There is even a cameo of the original family truckster!

FYI:  This is the 6 actor to play Rusty Giswald

***1/2

Rudderless

The next time you are in a hipster, college area with an open mic and stage for amateurs, keep in mind you may be witnessing the beginning of greatness.  So sit back with your woody finish micro brew served in a bird feeder and check out this masterpiece.  If you cant tell already I loved this movie.  Most of the people I have talked to really didn't like it at all, but I think they are whiny narrow minded idiots!  I cant say too much about this story as I don't want to give away some of the crucial plot pieces but here is the bulk.  A successful businessman father is quickly falling down a downward spiral after the death of his college age son.  He soon finds out about his sons hidden talent as a singer songwriter and takes the stage so the world may hear his songs.  He teams up with a couple of young rockers to give it some spark and they end up winning over the crowd night after night.  There are many plot twists and portions of the movie that will take you by surprise and over all I would say it is one of my favorites of the year.  The music was excellent, the acting superb, and the story was original and intoxicating.  There were a few unanswered questions that I would like to know more about such as the music store?  The girlfriend?  The boat?  Anyway, watch the movie and you will understand.  Great flick!

FYI:  Based in Oklahoma City

*****

Need for Speed

If you are a huge fan of cars doing the impossible, this is a movie for you!  How fast does your car go?  I dont even get out of bed for less than 200 mph.  How much is your car worth?  I drive a $2 million Mustang through off road mountain terrain.  How do you avoid cops when speeding?  I tear through the city streets at 100 mph making every car in my path crash into one another.  Well, Aaron Paul, you know the breakout star of Breaking Bad, has all of these driving tactics in the bag.  What I really don't understand is why they changed the name from Fast and Furious, to Need for Speed and didn't even cast Vin Diesel???  That's what this movie was, a highly unrealistic, unimaginable, Fast and Furious rip off with cheesy lines, terrible acting, worthless story line and plot, and a complete and total cliche from start to finish.  I get it, it was a movie, but wow, you cant even watch something like this and not say at one point, "what the hell am I watching?"  Yet, I was strangely sucked in, thinking there would be some twist.  There wasn't.  I am pretty sure they marketed this movie for the 14-18 year old gear heads who love car porn.  I would not recommend this unless you are confined to a hospital bed with no other options.  Total garbage.

FYI:  Not to make this movie even stupider, but it is based on a video game.

*